When AP asked what my motivations are for furthering my studies I thought there was a pretty straightforward answer to this seemingly straightforward question. I thought all I wanted to do was to study so that I could teach other people how to think for themselves. And yet I found myself frustrated at how ultimately this was not a straightforward process at all. My motivations are still very much about me, and not about God, and certainly not about other people. And so I await the redeeming of such a mentality, but still struggling against complacency. (This word has followed me around my whole life, could it be my cross to bear) Is this feeling of being stuck a result of disobedience, impatience, or just something to continually surrender to God? Patience means to actively enter into the thick of life and to fully bear the suffering within and around us. But it felt like both a dampening and a stoking of the spark of inspiration?
“It will be a slow, uphill climb, but you are so anointed.”
“We experience a ‘satisfied discontent’, a complacency of spirit that leads to inertia and stagnation, coupled with an inability to experience joy or deep contentment. We are not dissatisfied enough to press on toward the goal, but we are not content with our lot either.” Following Jesus in the “Real” World
“There is both more sin and more grace than we realize. Still, God runs to us.”
